


To Repair with Gold

by kuki



Series: Lion's Den [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Sign Language, Domestic, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Siblings, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Mute Lance (Voltron), Panic Attacks, Past Drug Addiction, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship Negotiation, Self-Harm, Sibling Incest, Tags May Change, Therapy, Trauma Recovery, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, getting married having a few kids buying some stuff retiring to florida and dying, non-sexual bdsm, selectively mute Keith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:15:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuki/pseuds/kuki
Summary: After everything they went through, no one was really sure they could recover. Some days it seems completely impossible, but for it's easier when they're together. With no small amount of effort, everyone affected by what the Galra had done learns how to live their lives.The aftermath of and healing from the events of Lion's Den, Made to be Broken, Left Behind, and the other two installments about Allura and Shiro I haven't written yet.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Matt Holt/Shiro
Series: Lion's Den [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/710859
Comments: 40
Kudos: 100





	1. Safe, No Sound

**Author's Note:**

> HOLY SHIT! We're finally here! I know, I know, Keith isn't actually here for the healing yet, but everyone else can get a little head start so they're in a better place to help him.
> 
> Maybe we'll still see him here a few times before his story is finished??????

Lance opened his eyes, not completely sure when he fell asleep, but figured it was probably in the ambulance. As he focused, he saw that he was in a hospital. He wrinkled his nose at the strong scent of disinfectant. When he shuffled on the bed, he realized that he was still in his clothes. There was movement on the other side of the room that made him pause.

“Lance.” The voice was familiar, and it sounded relieved. He looked over and sobbed silently when he saw Mrs. Holt standing by some equipment in her scrubs. She smiled at him, taking a few steps towards him. “It’s good to have you back.”

He nodded, feeling tears well at his eyes. When he lifted his arms up, she pulled him into a tight hug.

“Can you put this on for me? I’m going to grab an IV and something for you to write on.” She held out a neatly folded hospital gown to him. His hands shook slightly as he took it, nodding again.

Once it was in his hands, she pulled the curtain at the door and left. He took a deep breath and stood up. The clothes he had on looked filthy compared to the hospital room, and it didn’t take much for him to get changed into the gown. Without another thought, he threw them in the garbage and got back on the bed, pulling the table closer so he’d had a surface to write on.

There was a knock on the door, then it opened. Mrs. Holt’s voice again. “Knock if it’s okay for me to come in.” The curtain pulled back after he knocked on the table, she was still smiling.

“Now, let’s get your IV in, where do you want it?” She sat several things on the table in front of him, including some blank paper and a pen. He looked up at her and held out his arm, with the inside of his elbow up. Her fingers poked at the needle scars that were already there, and he couldn’t help but grimace. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

When she stuck the needle in, he didn’t even flinch. The feeling barely registered through the scar tissue. While she hung up the bag, he scribbled something down on the paper, and held it up to her.

‘Where’s Shiro?’

“He went to the station, said he’ll be back a little later.” She was hanging up the bag and sighing. “Now, I’m going to draw some blood, for STIs and drug testing. Do you know what drugs they’ve given you?”

He shook his head, looking down at the IV in his arm, and the scars around the new needle.

“And have you had any symptoms, that could be an STI?”

Again, he shook his head, scribbling something down. ‘But it’d be a miracle if I don’t have at least one.’

Gently, she ran her hands through his hair. “You’re going to be okay Lance.” Then she stuck a needle in his other arm to take the blood for the tests. Holding the labeled vials in her hand, she stood there, like she was unsure of what to do next. “Ready to see a doctor?”

Biting his lip, he closed his eyes. Doctors meant invasive exams, that he needed because his body had been completely wrecked, but…. When he opened his eyes, he was writing again. ‘You’ll be here the whole time, right?’

“Yes, if you want me to be. I didn’t know if you’d be more comfortable with another nurse for that…”

He pointed at her, pouting slightly.

“Then I’ll send these off to the lab and find your doctor.” She nodded at him and left the room again.

Once she was gone, he laid back on the bed. He closed his eyes and wondered where Keith was, what was being done to him. Everything he imagined just made him feel ill, but he couldn’t help but wonder if the other boy was okay, especially after what he said before he was taken away. Those words, so soft and sincere, kept repeating in his mind.

Mrs. Holt was gone for a long time, long enough that Lance’s hand started shaking slightly. It had been quite a while since his last dose of mystery drugs, and his body was ready for more. Swallowing hard, he looked down at where the IV was pumping saline into his vein, almost wishing it was something else.

When he heard the knock on the door, he jumped. He wasn’t used to people knocking or anything else that resembled privacy. Mrs. Holt called out for him, and he reached over to knock on the table.

An older man in a lab coat followed her in, wearing a smile. Lance’s eyes followed him as he pulled the chart off the end of the bed. “Hello Lance, I’m Dr. Clemmens.”

Lance made a small gesture of greeting before looking back at Mrs. Holt. She gave him a reassuring smile as the doctor flipped through the chart. The small hums he made only made Lance nervous.

The doctor asked about how long he’d been on drugs, how long it had been since he had last taken any. Lance couldn’t hear any judgement in the questions, but he still looked away in shame as he wrote down the answers. Mrs. Holt was standing by the bed, her presence was comforting.

Next, he asked about what sounded like STI symptoms. Lance had spent most of the last few months trying to ignore his body, so even if he had any symptoms, he wouldn’t have noticed.

With a grimace, Lance let out silent laughs when he was asked about other injuries. He shook his head, writing down that he had lost count of all the injuries.

Jotting something down on the chart, Dr. Clemmens listed off things to be scheduled. X-rays and a CAT scan. Lance rested his head back, trying to focus on his breathing and not how much the scans would reveal about how messed up his body was.

He tensed up when the doctor asked him to sit up and take off the gown. Mrs. Holt’s hand was gripping his shoulder tightly and it was the only thing keeping him from hyper ventilating.

“I’m sorry… would you prefer a female doctor to…”

Lance shook his hand and reached for the pen with a trembling hand. ‘You just took me off guard.’

“Just take your time, when you’re ready.” He looked so reassuring, and Mrs. Holt’s hand was still on his shoulder.

It took him a few minutes before he gently pushed the hand off of him, sitting up and taking off the gown completely. A hand was holding his and he looked back at Mrs. Holt.

“If you need him to stop, squeeze my hand.”

He nodded, but looked back at the doctor to let him know he was ready. The doctor nodded and reached out towards him with a gloved hand. Lance closed his eyes and focused on his breathing and the pain thrumming through him, begging for a fix. He could barely feel the doctor’s touch, and only just noticed that he was being given instructions. Without putting too much thought into what he was doing, he did as he was asked.

“Now Lance, squeeze nurse Holt’s hand when you’re ready for this.” The doctor had him lying on his side, facing away from him, a sheet covering his front. Lance closed his eyes tightly and took a few deep breaths before he squeezed her hand. He tasted blood from biting his lip when the doctor pushed a finger into him. It hurt, not badly, but it definitely hurt.

“You okay Lance?” Mrs. Holt asked after the doctor moved away from him and was mumbling as he jotted down notes.

Lance could feel tears falling down his cheeks, but he nodded. He looked at her and smiled slightly.

“Okay, why don’t you put the gown back on? Are you hungry?”

He nodded again, sitting up and wiping his cheeks.

“Considering what you’ve been through, you look good. We might have to do some surgery in your rectum, but it seems like it might heal on its own.” The doctor’s tone was clinical again, and he was facing away from Lance. “I’ll come talk to you again when all your test results are in.”

Lance only got off the bed and put the gown on after both Dr. Clemmens and Mrs. Holt had left. He was careful of how far he went because he was bound by his IV line, but he was shaky on his legs anyway. The thought of looking at himself in the mirror in the bathroom crossed through his mind, but he couldn’t quite make it. All four months of exhaustion seemed to catch up to him all at once.

As soon as he was back in the bed, under the covers this time, he fell back to sleep.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Shiro stood outside of the interrogation room, glaring through the two-way glass as he listened to question after question being answered with a sarcastic remark. His arms were cramping with how tightly he had his hands balled into fists at his sides.

“Where is Keith Shirogane?” The detective asked Lotor calmly. It was the only question Shiro cared about the answer for.

Lotor just grinned, not at the detective, but at the glass. “I bet his big brother is out there right now, hoping I tell you. But, my little Spitfire is frightfully out of his reach.”

The only thing that stopped him from going into the room was a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Matt looking at him with concern.

“Why are you torturing yourself by listening to this?” Matt moved around him to turn off the feed from inside the interrogation room.

“I need to find him… I-I…” Shiro felt himself start shaking with the overwhelming urge to punch something.

“You’re too close to this, you know that.” Matt glanced back at him. “Coran wants to see you in his office.”

“Okay.” He took a shaky breath but didn’t move.

“Shiro, when you’re done talking to the captain, you should go visit Lance. Mom said he asked about you.”

“He’d probably be happier to see me if I had news about Keith.”

“We’ll find him.” Matt smiled at him, but Shiro just left without saying anything else. Just as he left, Shiro heard Matt tell the detective to call it a day and put Lotor in a holding cell. That made Shiro’s blood boil, they had to keep pressing him.

“Why did you have Matt stop the interrogation?” Shiro slammed his hands down on Coran’s desk when he entered the room. “It had only been a few minutes.”

“Zarkon will either send a lawyer or an assassin for his son, and if a lawyer doesn’t show up in about half an hour, Lotor will be begging to tell us everything, on the off chance that we can protect him.” Coran curled his mustache as he sat back in his chair.

“And if a lawyer does show up?” Shiro glared at the man.

“Then we’ll never get anything out of him, and there’s no way he’ll even see the inside of a courtroom.” Shiro shook his head as he closed his eyes tightly, hating the words coming out of Coran’s mouth. “You know what they’re capable of, you’ve been inside the gang.”

“I was so close to getting him out, I let him down…”

“You should talk to your friend Lance, and Allura. They may know something about where they moved Keith.”

“Allura… she’s going to be so mad when she finds out the truth about me.” Shiro turned away, crossing his arms.

“You saved her, you’d be surprised how much that will count.” Coran stood up and walked towards Shiro. “My goddaughter is much more understanding than she seems.”

“Your…” Shiro looked at Coran and nodded with understanding. “So, you were Alfor’s…”

“Yes, but that is old news. You should go to the hospital.”

“I will, after I see whether Lotor’s lawyer shows up.” Shiro left the office to go sit at his desk and watch the clock. Halfway through waiting, he watched Coran and Matt both leave.

No lawyer showed up asking to see Lotor, Shiro even gave it a couple extra minutes before he got up and headed to the holding cells. There wasn’t a guard sitting at the desk, and Shiro smiled to himself. No one to see him committing police brutality.

There was someone standing at the one occupied cell, and Shiro saw Lotor laying in a puddle of blood inside the cell.

“Put your hands up!” Shiro yelled as he stared at the hooded figure, pulling his gun from its holster. His one chance of finding Keith had slipped through his fingers.

The hooded person didn’t comply, instead they turned. Shiro caught sight of the blood covered blade in their hand.

“Put the blade down!”

“Pull the trigger, or step aside Takashi.”

Shiro’s hands were shaking, that voice was so familiar. “Keith.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, please.” Keith pulled the mask off and looked at Shiro with cold eyes. “If I don’t go back… they’ll…”

“Keith…” As he lowered the gun, he felt tears start welling in his eyes. “Please…”

“I have to go.” Keith put the mask back on and sheathed the blade.

“I won’t hurt you, but I can’t just let you go.” Shiro started holstering the gun.

“Then I’m sorry.” Before Shiro had finished putting his gun away, Keith was rushing him. He was suddenly behind him with an arm around his neck. Shiro could feel himself lose consciousness as he heard his brother apologize again.


	2. Questions to Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly posting this chapter for a bump, if I'm being honest with myself and you, but I doubt you're complaining.

Shiro groaned as he opened his eyes, trying to push the strange dream from his mind. Then he saw where he was, Lotor’s body laying bloodied in the holding cell only a few feet from him. Sighing, he pulled himself off the ground.

“There’s no way they won’t blame me for this.” Shiro walked over to Lotor’s body, checking his pulse. With as much as blood as there was on the floor, there was no way that the man wasn’t dead. When he stood back up, he gripped the bars tightly and rested his head against the cold metal.

“Shiro?” Matt’s voice came from behind him, soft and cautious. Then there was a sharp intake of breath. Matt repeated his name, this time with an edge of anger and confusion. “Shiro.”

“I didn’t.” Shaking his head, Shiro closed his eyes tightly. “I didn’t do this.”

“Then who did?” Matt’s voice cracked as he asked the question. “You’re the only one that came back here.”

There was no way Shiro was going to say what really happened, not when he wasn’t sure he believed what he saw. He had to protect his little brother, even it meant lying to Matt, to the rest of the police. But he also couldn’t help Keith if he was in a jail cell himself.

“It was a Galra assassin.” Shiro said it carefully, trying to keep his tone from betraying him.

“You saw them?” Matt crossed his arms as he moved closer to Shiro and Lotor’s corpse.

“Yes. They knocked me out as I was reaching for my gun.” Shiro opened his eyes and glanced at the other man. By the look on Matt’s face, he knew that he didn’t believe a word Shiro was saying. “What good would killing Lotor do? He’d be no use to me dead.”

“Shiro, just tell me what happened, I’ll understand.” Matt put a hand on Shiro’s shoulder.

“It was an assassin.”

“Why would they leave you alive? The Galra don’t care about anything but themselves.” When Shiro pulled away from the touch, Matt sighed. “It was Keith, wasn’t it.”

It wasn’t a question, so Shiro didn’t even respond. He didn’t have to.

“We’ll get him out, we’ll get him back, I promise.”

“I’ve heard that before Matt, and four years later, they still have him.” Shiro turned and walked away. “Tell Coran what you want. I’m going to the hospital.”

“What? Why?” Matt started following after him.

“You said Lance asked about me. I want to know happened at… at that place.”

*-*-*-*-*-*

Lance woke in a panic when he heard people talking. His eyes scanned the room and his heart beat started evening back out when he realized where he was. Then he listened to the voices, attempting to whisper. He recognized both, Mrs. Holt and… Shiro. He couldn’t see them, they must’ve been on the other side of the curtain at the door.

Sitting up, he moved the lap table, so he had his pen and paper available again. Then he knocked on the table twice, his way of letting both of them that he could hear them. Both made a small surprised sound. A few moments later, the curtain was drawn back and he saw both of them exchange a look.

“Lance, I set the menu on your table, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Mrs. Holt smiled at him before looking at Shiro sternly. Shiro just sighed, not moving until she was out of the room and the door was closed.

Shiro moved to sit down in the chair next to the bed, his eyes not on Lance as he walked towards him. Lance’s eyes were glued to Shiro, taking in how different his appearance was. He hadn’t noticed before, he was too focused on what Shiro was doing the last two times he saw him to see how he looked.

“So, those bastards took your voice huh?” Shiro said after what seemed like forever.

Letting a sharp breath out of his nose, Lance quickly scribbled out a reply. ‘Looks like they took a bit of a bigger chunk from you.’

The look on Shiro’s face flipped between amusement and anguish as his hand went to where the flesh of his arm met metal. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”

Lance put the pen to the paper again. ‘You didn’t come here to talk about my voice or your arm. Just ask.’

Shiro eyes read across the page a few times before he looked away. “I do care about how you’re doing, we’re friends… and… a-and… and Keith cared so much about you…”

Turning away from Shiro, Lance felt his heart rate start picking up again. Shiro talking about his brother in past tense was almost more painful that anything he endured in the Lion’s Den.

Clearing his throat, Shiro continued. “But, we can talk about what you’re going to do now that you’re out later. The more I know… I need to find him… again.”

‘I don’t know much.’ Lance took a deep breath. ‘But ask away.’

“What… why… Why did they move him?”

‘He killed someone.’

Shiro felt a chill run down his spine as he focused on Lance. Lance was writing more.

‘Someone wanted to buy me, and he… he wasn’t going to let that happen.’ Lance turned the paper over as he took a few centering breaths. It was only a few days before, but Lance felt like it he was talking about ancient history. ‘They put him in isolation and when I saw him again, he told me that he agreed to do whatever they originally kidnapped him for, to protect me.’

Shiro put his head in his hands. With the pieces he had, it wasn’t hard to figure out what it was they wanted from Keith. What he couldn’t figure out was why, why they would want his kid brother to be an assassin. It was crazy. “If I had just been a few days earlier…”

Lance didn’t write anything, he didn’t have to. He just put his hand on Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro looked up at him, swallowing hard as he put his hand over Lance’s. “We’ll get him back.”

A sad smile spread across Lance’s face as he nodded.

The moment broke when the door opened and curtain pulled back. Mrs. Holt smiled at them. “You boys alright?”

Shiro and Lance looked at each other.

“Stupid question.” Mrs. Holt’s smile fell as she walked over to them. “Did you fill out your menu Lance?”

Lance blinked at her then looked down at the menu. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about hearing his name after so long with another name. Once he quickly marked something, he pushed it towards her.

“I’ll put a rush on it, you must me starving.” She tucked it under her arm and stared at Lance. He stared back at her expectantly. Sighing, she looked away. “Your mother called.”

Suddenly there wasn’t enough air in the room. Lance pushed away the table to double over and hold his chest. The world was getting blurry. His head was filled with his mother’s shrill crying and begging as he was led out of the house. He felt sick.


	3. Just a Whole Mess

When he finally got himself calmed down, focusing on the room he was in again, Lance wasn’t sure what to do. After getting that way just from hearing about his mother, he doubted he was ready to see her yet. Letting out breath of air that should’ve been a groan, he wiped the tears off his face.

Shiro was staring at him, his concern for Lance obvious.

‘I’m okay.’ Lance wrote down quickly as he took a few deep breaths.

“Good, but…” Shiro turned away then as he trailed off.

Lance took in Shiro’s appearance again. He looked even worse off than Lance did. The change in hair color, the facial scar, the new arm. Whatever the Galra did to him, the two of them both had their work cut out for them when it came to recovery. Especially with Keith still missing.

“Why… why…” Shiro huffed and rubbed the back of his neck with his flesh hand.

Lance bit his lip before looking down that the paper. He started writing, knowing what Shiro wanted to ask. ‘I went to protect her, so right now she’d just be a trigger. And looking the way I do, I don’t want her to feel any worse than she already does.’

Shiro moved a little closer to read the new addition to the paper. He sighed and looked down at his metal hand. “I understand.”

‘You’ll tell me what happened, right?’

“You mean with Keith?” The look on Shiro’s face made Lance feel physical pain. He didn’t know a person could look that… dead inside.

‘And what the Galra did to you.’

“We have time to talk about all that, but… I need… I need to know where he is. Please.” Both of Shiro’s hands clenched tightly beside him.

Lance shook his head as he looked away. ‘I don’t know.’

“Just… tell me what you do know.”

When Lance finished telling Shiro what he did know about Keith, both men were crying. It wasn’t much, and it wouldn’t help find Keith. As he wrote, Lance had to relive the moments in which he found out the little bit of information he had on Keith. Having panic attack after panic attack slowed down the process.

“The last time you saw him… what, what did he say?” Shiro had his face buried in his hands, but with one ear tilted up slightly as if he was listening for Lance to stop and start writing.

Swallowing hard, Lance looked down at the filled paper. Then it was sudden as he was jumping out of bed and running towards the bathroom. There was a sharp pain in his arm as the IV pole fell over, and then the insertion ripped out of his arm. He didn’t even make it to the toilet, instead he collapsed in front of the sink and puked on the floor as he sobbed.

There was a gentle hand on his back. “You’re okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have…”

Shaking his head, Lance sat up and looked down at himself. There was vomit all down his front. His throat burned from the acid, and maybe from ruining the stitches in his throat. The smell made him want to throw up again. The pain in his arm was throbbing and he didn’t want to look down and see exactly how much he was bleeding.

“I pressed the button to call for the nurse.” Shiro’s voice was so gentle and it just made Lance sob silently.

He turned around and pressed his face into Shiro’s chest, not caring that he was disgusting at the moment. After making a small shocked sound, Shiro put his strong arms around Lance’s fragile frame.

“I got you, I got you Lance, we’re going to be okay.”

A loud gasp alerted them to someone entering the room. It wasn’t Mrs. Holt, but another nurse. At that moment, it didn’t matter much, Lance just needed someone to get his arm to stop bleeding, and then give him things to clean himself up.

Lance had his eyes closed as the nurse wrapped up his new wound. She was talking to Shiro, asking him what the hell happened. News that Lance couldn’t talk had apparently spread through the staff. Shiro just shrugged, his worried gaze focused on Lance.

She wiped up his face for him and left him a new gown before she left, mentioning that she’d let Mrs. Holt know what happened.

“Do you want me to go while you…?”

Lance shrugged and he got off the bed and turned so he was facing away from Shiro. He dropped his dirty gown and reached for the new one.

“I’m going to put this in the bathroom for them to grab when they clean it.”

Still not looking at Shiro, Lance nodded. He didn’t mind Shiro being in the room while he was completely naked. Shiro was a comfortable, familiar presence. He trusted him.

Once Lance was redressed, he got back in bed and looked at Shiro. He was covered in Lance’s puke and blood. The poor man had to feel disgusting.

Grimacing, Lance mouthed ‘sorry’ at him.

Shiro looked down at himself and huffed. “It’s okay… but I should probably go home and change.”

Nodding, Lance grabbed the paper. ‘You’ll come back, right?’

Smiling, Shiro walked over to him. “Yeah, if you want me to.”

Lance nodded again as he reached for Shiro’s hand. ‘We’ll find him.’

“Yeah.” Shiro looked away then, his hand pulling away from Lance’s. “I’ll see you in a few.”

Lance rested his head back heavily as Shiro walked out of the room. He hoped Mrs. Holt came back soon. After throwing up, he was even hungrier than before.


	4. The Godfather

Allura had flipped out on pretty much everyone who had walked into her room. Some of the nurses ignored her, walking over and calmly injecting drugs into her IV or writing down numbers off the screen hooked up the various monitoring devices on her body. The first doctor they sent her was male and when he mentioned examining her, she went into a spiral of panic, the last thing she remembered before the nurse gave her drugs to calm her down was hitting the doctor. When the female doctor they sent came in after she came down from the drugs and the panic attack, she was able to more calmly tell her that she wasn’t ready for a full body exam.

She’d been left alone for a while and she couldn’t help but worry about Baby Blue… about Lance. He was probably somewhere on the same floor as her. When they were being rescued, he saw him run to one of the cops, so he was probably fine now. Well, as good as he could’ve been without Spitfire.

“Allura?” A familiar voice called from the door and she blinked in surprise as she turned.

“Coran?” She smiled and moved quickly to get out of bed. He walked over to her, not fast enough if you asked her. Once he was close enough, she hugged him tightly. “Coran. What took you so long?”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Coran wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. “I tried, but I couldn’t… I thought I’d lost you.”

“I thought you abandoned me.” She sobbed as she nuzzled into his chest. “Oh Coran… it was… it was so awful…”

“I know, I know. I’m here now, and I’m not letting you out of my sight again.” His fingers ran through her hair as they rocked back and forth.

“Was… was it your unit that found the Den?” Allura asked as she sat back on her bed. She was exhausted, standing and hugging was so tiring.

“Yeah.” Coran moved one of the chairs next to the bed and sat there, taking her hand. “I’m sorry it took so long. So many times, I thought of resigning my position so I could look for you, but…”

“It’s okay, I understand. You were one person, there was no way you could’ve saved me by yourself.” She smiled at him sadly. “Especially when… when I was Zarkon’s personal-…”

He shushed her and squeezed her hand. “I’m glad you’re safe now. When you get released from the hospital…”

“Are you… are you asking me to come live with you?” Allura leaned forward slightly, her eyes wide, hoping.

“Yes, if that’s what you want, if not I can…”

“Of course, Coran, nothing would make me happier.”

He let out a sigh and nodded. “Me too. I promised your father I’d take care of you, if something ever happened to him… and it’s a little late, but…”

“Father cared about you very much, you must have missed him terribly.” Allura moved her hands to his cheek.

“Yes, I have, but there wasn’t anything I could do to bring him back. You’re all that’s left of him.”

“Coran, I’ve always seen you as a father, especially after Mother died.”

“And you’ve always been like my daughter.” Coran smiled as he closed his eyes. “We’ll be a family again.”

“Oh Coran.” Allura smiled, pulling him in for another hug. “Coran.”

“It’s alright, you can cry. You can cry as much as you need to. I’ll be right here to hold you.” Coran soothed her back.

“Could you do something for me?” Allura rubbed her eyes when her eyes had run dry.

“Of course.” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Anything.”

“Could you find out what room one of the others is in? We were… close, and I just want to make sure he’s alright.”

“Yeah, what’s his name?”

“Bab-… Lance.”

Allura looked up when Coran didn’t move, just stared at her blankly. “Coran? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just… I know Lance, he was… a case. I’m not surprised you two became close, he was a kind boy.” Coran smiled as he stood up. He pressed a kiss to Allura’s forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

Allura watched the door, he left it open as he disappeared into the hallway. The noises of the hall seeped into her room and it was driving her crazy. She’d always hated hospitals, the smell, the sounds, the fact that there was always someone dying. It reminded her of the Lion’s Den.

Coran came back before her train of thought went off the rails and she was sent into a panic. His smile fell as he stared at her. “Allura?”

“Did you find out what room?” She looked up at him, forcing herself to smile.

Nodding, he told her. “Do you want me to…?”

“I got it, I want to talk to him alone… well not…” She grimaced as she looked away. “I’ll be the only one doing any talking.”

“Okay. If it’s okay with you then, I’m going to go back to the station, deal with some things there, and I’ll be back later.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. As long as you promise.” She held onto the cuff of his shirt. “Promise?”

“I promise, I promise I’ll be back to see you.” He kissed the top of her head.

As he pulled away, she stood up and looked at her IV pole. Luckily, it was on wheels and not connected to her bed.

“You sure you can make it on your own?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Allura was a little wobbly on her feet, but she managed to get to Lance’s room with only the support of the IV pole. Coran walked with her until they got to the door. Occasionally his hand touched her back when she looked particularly unstable, but mostly he just walked next to her with a soft smile under his mustache.

“I’ll see you later.” Coran said as they stood outside Lance’s door. Allura nodded at him before reaching for the door handle.

Once Coran was gone, she opened the door and was surprised how quietly the door opened. She took a few steps inside and saw Lance siting in bed, tapping a pen against the lap desk, a half-eaten plate of food sitting next to whatever he was staring at intently.

She didn’t mean to sigh so loudly as she felt relieved to see him look so much like a normal person. He looked up quickly, the pen snapping in his hand.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” Allura gripped her IV pole tighter, taking a step back. “I just…”

Lance took a few deep breaths before he set down what was left of the pen. He waved for her to come closer and Allura let out a relieved breath as she walked over to him. Her eyes looked at the papers on the desks, covered in random words and sentences. His responses to questions from the doctors and cops. So much of it was about Spitfire – Keith.

“I-I…” Allura stopped and just stared at Lance. Now that she was standing next to him, she didn’t know what to say to him.

He turned to her with a sad smile. Motioning towards the chair, he sat back. She nodded, understanding. Once she was sitting, they both turned towards the window. It was dark, and there was too much light pollution for them to see the stars, but it was so nice to be able to see the sky and feel safe.


	5. Believe in Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy three year anniversary of the first posting of Lion's Den. Three (3) years, that's how long I've been hurting our boys. Fuck me.
> 
> Check out my tumblr to see me be heartfelt.

Shiro looked at himself in the mirror after his shower and sighed. He hadn’t dared go back to the apartment Sam Holt had helped him get quickly so Keith would have a home when Shiro got him out. Everything there was set up as close to their old apartment as was possible, and it was too much.

He looked so different than when he left, he looked so much older, felt so much older.

“Shiro? You okay in there?” Pidge’s voice as she knocked on the bathroom door. He didn’t respond, just rested his forehead against the glass. “Matt hasn’t told me anything, and I just…”

Taking a shuttering breath, he pulled on the clean pants he had grabbed and opened the door. Pidge was standing there, looking down, playing with the hem of her shirt. He put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. “We found Lance, he’s at the hospital. Your mom is taking care of him.”

Pidge put a hand on Shiro’s arm. “And Keith?”

“We… we were too late…” Shiro swallowed hard as Pidge’s face turned to complete anguish. “No, Pidge, he’s still alive. They had just moved him when I got there.”

She let out the breath she was holding and wiped her eyes under her glasses. “You’re still…”

“Yeah, I’m still going to look for him. I will never stop looking for him, not until I know he’s safe, even its not home with me.” Shiro smiled sadly as he looked down at her. He was going to get Keith away from the Galra, if it cost him his life.

Nodding, she looked away. “H-How is Lance?”

“He’s… they made it so he can’t talk and he’s lost without Keith, but he… do you want to go see him? I’m heading back to the hospital.”

“No, no… but…” She pulled something out of her pocket and held it out to Shiro. “Give him this, it’s one of my old phones, should still connect to the hospital’s wifi, in case he wants to talk to me, or Hunk.”

Shiro took it and put it in his pocket. “I will.”

“I should let you go.” Pidge shrugged off the hand on her shoulder. “Make sure Lance knows that me and Hunk are here for him, when he’s ready to see us.”

“Of course.” Shiro turned away and ran a hand down his face as he headed towards Matt’s room where the rest of his clothes were.

*-*-*-*-*-*

“So, have you seen any of your family yet?” Allura asked after they spent a long time in silence and she went out to the hall to get Lance another pen.

Lance shook his head, putting pen to paper. ‘Not my family, but Keith’s brother is one of the cops that got us out and my nurse is a friend’s mom.’

She frowned, looking away. “Keith… his brother, I’m sure he… wants answers.”

Nodding, Lance stared at the paper. He wasn’t sure what to say to that. ‘What about you? You said there was one person who was like family, right?’

“My father’s most trusted man, my godfather, yeah. He was in, when they release me, I’m going to move in with him.”

He smiled at her, nodding a few times, hoping that was enough to convey how happy he was for her. Lance wished he had somewhere other than his own home to go to, he couldn’t face his family, not yet.

Allura opened her mouth to ask another question, but there was a knock behind them. Both of them looked to see Shiro standing near the door. Lance smiled at him brightly, but Allura sprung out of the chair and glared at him.

“Kuro.” Allura’s voice was sharp. “I watched them kill you.”

“I-I… Almost, they almost killed me.” Shiro stared at her, his hands shaking at his sides as he clenched them into fists. “M-My name isn’t Kuro, it’s Takashi Shirogane. I was a cop, undercover with your father’s gang… I-I…”

Allura’s gaze hardened for a moment before turning to look back at Lance, who was staring at Shiro. Taking a centering breath, she looked back at Shiro. “You’re Spi- Keith’s brother.”

“Yes, I was just… I hoped your father could help me find him, but…”

“We have a lot to discuss about that, but later.” Allura started walking towards him, stopping to look back at Lance with a smile. “I’ll see you again, we’ll talk more later.”

Lance gave her something close to a smile in return and waved.

She paused again as she was standing next to Shiro, not looking up at him. Allura spoke quietly, making sure Lance wouldn’t be able to hear. “I may have some information, that could help you find Keith. Come to my room when you’re finished talking to Lance.”

Shiro glanced down at her, but she was leaving as soon as she finished talking. Once she was gone, he looked back at Lance with a smile. He walked over and sat in the chair Allura had just vacated. “So, you know Allura. From the Lion’s Den?”

Lance nodded. ‘She was the first safe person I met while I was there. Her and Keith didn’t really get along.’

“Maybe once we get Keith back, they can try to be friends.”

Lance just nodded, and looked down at his papers. Shiro stared at him for a moment before digging in his pocket, holding out what Pidge had given him.

“Pidge asked me to give you this, you can use it instead of writing everything down, and when you’re ready, you can use it to talk to her and Hunk.”

Tears came to his eyes as he took it in his hands. He swiped the screen to reveal the all the apps. It took him a moment find the notepad to type into. When a tear fell onto the screen, he pulled the phone close to his chest.

“They both understand it might be a while before you’re ready, but they’re both so happy that you’re home…” Shiro had something close a smile on his face as he stared at Lance.

Lance turned to him, staring at him for a moment before looking back at the phone screen. Luckily, he’d always been a fast typer on phones. ‘Speaking of home, where have you been staying since you got back?’

Shiro looked down after reading the message, and by the way his eyes moved, Lance was pretty sure it was more than once. “With the Holts… Sam and Coran arranged an apartment with all the stuff I had in storage – for me and Keith… but…” He took a few shaky breaths as he held the bridge of his nose. “It’s too big for just me, without _him_ there… and I can’t ask Matt because I know he needs to be with his family…”

Lance typed again, hesitating as he read back over it. Taking a deep breath he held it back out to Shiro.

When Shiro finally noticed that Lance was trying to talk to him, Lance almost tore the message away. He only read it once this time. Slowly, he moved from the chair to sit on the bed with Lance.

“Are you asking if you can move in with me?” Shiro put his flesh hand on Lance’s shoulder, and Lance couldn’t really read his face. He didn’t know how to respond. “Of course, if that’s what you really want.”

The look on Lance’s face must’ve said it all.

Shiro moved his hand up to cup Lance’s face. “Yeah, really. Lance, we’re friends, and moreover, you’re like _family_. You were the first person in a long time that gave a damn about him. And I know that when we get him back, you’re going to be the first person he’s going to want to see.”

Lance felt tears at his eyes again as he leaned into the touch. The look Shiro was giving him was so gentle, and sad. He nodded as he reached up to loop his hands around Shiro’s wrist.

“But, there is a condition.”

Of course, there was. Shiro was an older brother, Lance knew the drill. He’d said the same thing to his sisters all the time.

“You can’t use living with me as an excuse to avoid your family. They might not have gone through what you went through, but they’re hurting too. They deserve to see for themselves that you’re back, and you’re real, and that you can be okay.”

Pouting, Lance nodded. He really wanted to see his sisters. Allison and Melanie probably didn’t even understand why he was gone – again so soon after he had just got back. It would be so hard, but seeing them would really make the fact that he was home seem all the more real.

Shiro smiled as he nodded back at him before pulling him into a hug. Man, every time Shiro hugged him – which hadn’t been often, he was jealous at how great the man was at giving hugs. Lance aspired to be half the hug-giver that Shiro was one day.

There was a knock on the door and Mrs. Holt’s voice calling Lance’s name. The two men parted and looked over at her.

“Sorry to interrupt a moment, but I managed to schedule all of the imagining tests the doctor ordered back to back to get them over with, if Lance thinks he has the strength for them.” She smiled at them as she stood by the door way.

Lance nodded as he turned to stand up. He reached for the IV pole, so he wouldn’t rip it out of his arm when he moved again.

“You want me to come with you?” Shiro put a hand on his shoulder again.

He shook his head as he smiled at him, mouthing ‘thank you’.

“Okay, I’ll… I’ll go talk to Allura then. Her and I have a lot of catching up to do.”


	6. Small, Big Discoveries

Shiro heard talking from inside the room that he found out from the nurses was Allura’s. If it wasn’t for the badge, they probably would’ve told him to fuck off. He wasn’t trying to overhear, but he couldn’t help but pick up on one thing, Allura’s womb was gone. During his time as he body guard, they’d talked enough about both of their future plans to start families, and how much it meant for Allura to be able to carry her own children.

It wasn’t long after that was mentioned that he heard Allura yelling, and the doctor running out. She leaned against the wall and held her chest, glancing at Shiro once she seemed to calm herself down.

“Officer.” The doctor nodded at him. “She…”

“It’s okay, I can handle her.”

“Some of the others are violent, but she is by far the worst. I understand they’ve been through a lot, otherwise her and the others would probably get restrained.”

“After what they’ve been through, doing that to them would probably completely shatter them doctor.”

“It’s fucked up that anyone could do this to another person. Excuse, I need to continue my rounds.” She nodded again before walking away, as if nothing had happened.

Shiro walked into the room, knocking as he did. “It’s… me.” He didn’t know what to call himself with her, but they knew each other long enough that she should’ve recognized his voice.

“Come in Ku-… Shiro.”

He shut the door behind himself, walking towards her. She sitting up in the bed, holding one of her legs tight against her chest, staring at the muted TV.

“You okay?”

“You’re fucking kidding right?” She scoffed, moving her gaze off the TV, but not to him. “Spit-… Keith, you just want him out, so we’ll talk about everything else later.”

“I saw him, at the station.” He stopped walking, staring at her. “He killed Lotor.”

Her eyes were wide as they turned towards him. “So, they sent him on his first mission already.”

“How much do you know?”

“How much did my father know? Did he know you came to us to find him? Did he know you were a cop?”

“He knew I was looking for Keith, that I thought maybe the Galra had him. Alfor agreed to help me.”

Nodding, Allura looked towards her lap, picking at the hem of her hospital gown. “My father had… been trying to free Sp- Keith since before you showed up. _Zarkon_ had been looking for him for his entire life.”

“Allura, please. Why, why did they want my little brother so much, what did he do?” Shiro moved to the bed now.

“His mother is a Blade, a member of Zarkon’s inner circle. The Galra, despite all their sick…” She shivered, glossing over what she would say next, “value family above all else, Zarkon wanted he considered his family with him. What that man has done to Keith… to his mind…”

“As long as the Galra are led by Zarkon, or someone of like mind, you’ll never get your brother back Shiro, and even if you can, he’ll _never_ be free of them.” Allura looked up at him, and he took a step back at how intensely she was staring at you.

“Allura, I need to get him out. If you’re saying I need to kill Zarkon to do that…”

“I can tell you some of the locations where I’ve met Zarkon or Lotor for meetings, before… But I know none of them were main sites, some were probably only temporary.” Allura shook her head. “I know some of the Blades’ tactics, before you were my bodyguard, a member of Zarkon’s Blades protected me. Once I’m feeling better, I can reach out to old contacts, Zarkon couldn’t have killed everyone I knew, every one of the Alteans.”

“Thank you, whatever…”

“But you should know, I mean it. Even if you can get Keith, take him away from the Galra, he might… He might really be one, he might not want out.”

“No!”

“No, not… I’m sure he’s not suddenly not being hurt by them, and… now that you have Lance on this side, he’d do anything to keep it that way, even if it means…” Allura turned on the bed and grabbed his metal wrist. “Shiro, if this was easy, he would already be here, he would’ve been back on this side years ago when you started looking, when my father tried to save him.”

“I won’t rest while I know that my brother… is being… being turned into a fucking Galra.” He ripped his hand away from hers.

“He’s always been a Galra, it’s in his blood. It’s you that they’ve turned into one of them, isn’t it?”

“I was just… I needed to find him, get him…out. I promised myself that I would do whatever it took, and I still…”

She nodded, taking his hand again. “Good. Because they won’t let you do it the right way.”

Shiro’s hands were shaking and he was holding back tears as he sat on the bed next to her. He could tell she was still holding back something, but the way she was holding him, he assumed it was to protect his idea of his brother, keep his imagination from wondering.

“We should keep this from Lance, for now. When Keith comes back, what he tells him, about what he’s done, should be up to him, not us.”

*-*-*-*-*-*

Lance had gotten his list of results, and his recommendations of surgeries he’d probably need. He had read over everything briefly, but the biggest thing he took from it was that he was honestly lucky. Not a single sexually transmitted disease, and a few minor operations to fix some badly healed scars. A hopeful plan to quickly curb his addiction, he hadn’t been on drugs that long, so he wasn’t as dependent as most of the other survivors that were being treated. He’d be a few more days in the hospital.

A fresh dose of hospital grade narcotics was coursing through his veins, and he was more energized than he should’ve been. He just wanted some dreamless sleep, and hopefully Keith would be there with him when he woke up. It was a fruitless thing, but he wished more than anything that they’d still both be kids, that all of this, from Keith’s disappearance to his own imprisonment was a terrible nightmare.

After a few minutes of wishful thinking, he sat up and took the phone from table. He scrolled through the apps, stopping at Facebook. It was still signed in with Pidge’s account.

There were few posts, during the time he’d been gone, just over four months, from her or Hunk, or his sister. The few were photos from the three of them. Pidge and Hunk had a few pictures together, usual goofball things they did with him, but they didn’t look as happy as the old pictures with him in it. A picture on Sarah’s page of their two younger sisters sleeping in his bed, cuddling with his stuffed shark. The picture of him and Keith that Allison had drawn so many years before. Several pictures of Sarah and Pidge together, again, neither looked happy, but they seemed content with each other at least.

One post on his sister’s page stuck out. A text post, in Spanish. A prayer, dedicated to their father.

Tears had already started streaming down his cheeks, but now he was silently sobbing, clutching the phone tightly against his chest, wishing he could scream. His mother and sisters had lost him and their father in such a short time. How could the world be so cruel. He didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

It was a while before he steadied himself, his body thrumming like the crying had worked the drugs out of his system quicker than it should’ve. He logged out of Pidge’s account, opening up messenger and logging into his own, quickly switching it so it looked like he hadn’t. As much as he missed his sister and mother, he was in no way ready to talk to either of them.

Pidge and Hunk though, it was different.

He pulled up an old group with just the two of them. ‘Hey. I’m sorry.’

Once it was sent, he placed the phone away from him face down. He rubbed his face, almost hoping they were asleep. But it didn’t take long before he heard it buzz.

Hunk: ‘Lance? Is it really you?’

Pidge: ‘I didn’t think youd reach out so soon’

Lance swallowed hard, watching the dots that told him they were both still typing.

Both: ‘No we’re sorry.’

He sighed and ran his fingers over the keyboard. ‘It’s not your fault either’

Hunk: ‘How are you holding up man?’

Fuck. He didn’t want to lie, but he also didn’t want to worry them. ‘I’d be better if Keith was here too. But I don’t have any STDs.’

Pidge: ‘Take your victories where you can get em’

Hunk: ‘We’ll be here waiting for him, we’re going to take care of you, so you can take care of him when we get him back.’

It was half sob half chuckle as he read both of their messages. He wished he could see them. Even if they weren’t family, with Pidge’s mom as his nurse it would easy to ask her to sneak them in.

Lance: ‘I’m going to stay with Shiro when I’m released. You’ll both come see me, right? Not while I’m in the hospital… I’m a mess right now and I don’t want you to see me like this.’

Pidge: ‘Your always a mess’

Hunk: ‘Of course man, whatever makes you comfortable.’

A few beats of none of them saying anything, and Lance took a deep breath. ‘How did my dad die?’

Pidge: ‘No one told you?’

Lance: ‘I saw on Sarah’s page’

They were both typing for a long time before they both just said one word: ‘Galra’

It was enough information. His dad had tried to get him back, late enough that they’d decided Lance was too useful, as more than just a whore, as a tool to control Keith. He held the phone tightly, trying not to cry again.

‘Those fucking Galra have taken everything from us’

Lance didn’t even want revenge. He just wanted rest.

And Keith.

Pidge: ‘Shiro and Matt won’t rest until they have the last thing we can get back is with us again’

‘I know.’

Hunk: ‘We’re here Lance. You’re not alone. Whatever you need, just name it.’

Lance stared at it. There was one of the treatments he did actually discuss with his doctors, about his voice. It would take several surgeries and implants, and external devices for him to ever be able to speak again. And it would never be his voice, his old voice.

‘I want my voice back. I want my choices back.’

Pidge: ‘Were on it’

She knew enough about medical stuff that she probably knew what had been suggested, and he knew enough about her brain that her and Hunk could maybe figure a way to give him his old voice back. It wouldn’t be easy, and it might take a very long time, but knowing they were going to try meant everything.

Hunk: ‘But until we can fix it for you, we happened to take an ASL class together, and maybe we could teach you, introduce you to our professor.’

Pidge: ‘And we’ll get Shiro and your family to go too so you can at least communicate with your circle.’

The tears flowing down his cheeks now - happy tears. ‘Thank you. I missed you both so much.’


	7. Inconvenient Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not about climate change.

Shiro knew this conversation was coming. He’d been dreading it. Matt seemed more comfortable, as the two of them sat across from Coran in his office.

“The two of you need to stop.” Coran sighed, messing with his mustache, not quite looking at them. “You shouldn’t be working this case.”

“Coran-!’ Shiro started, gritting his teeth as the older man glared at him.

“Shiro, you’re too close to this. Your brother is at the center of all this right now. Neither of you were ever officially reinstated after you returned. Not to mention you’re both victims of the current Galra case.”

“And what about you? You’re-!”

“But there’s nothing official, only hearsay to even claim I knew Alfor, the reason I’m taking in Allura. I haven’t had to endure any horrors myself.” Coran shook his head. “Shiro, Keith is your brother. Both of you gave sworn statements about what the Galra did to you when you came back. You both need notes from department shrinks before you can start really working again… And Shiro, you’ll likely need special approval with your arm, if they don’t force you to ‘retire’ because of it and the other physical enhancements they forced on you.”

Shiro felt his hands shaking and he looked down at them, feeling angry tears stinging his eyes.

“And you’re bringing Lance into your home, Shiro, you’re far from okay yourself. I understand why, but are you sure you’re the best thing for him?” Coran leaned forward. “You need to get help, professional help. I know that part of it is trying to distract yourself from what happened to you, but you can’t. You can’t just…”

Shiro looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He saw Matt giving him his kicked puppy look. “I understand how much you need to find him, but… Shiro, you’re no good to him, or Lance if you don’t take care of you.”

“Matt you don’t-!”

“Shiro, I know it’s different, than… but I do understand. How much more help can we be? We’ve told Coran everything that could help, what more can we do?”

“I need to-!”

“What are you going to do if we do find out where he is, and you go with SWAT to get him out? What are you going to do in face of Sendak or Zarkon?”

Shiro flinched away, grabbing onto his arm where flesh met metal. The pain felt fresh all over again.

Maybe they had a point.

“Coran, how about this. Shiro and I aren’t involved beyond… using our knowledge of the Galra to verify leads and you keep us in the loop. We’ll both go through the process to get certified by a shrink that we’re fit for duty again, okay?”

Coran twirled his mustache before sighed. “Okay. But know, that the feds are going to get their fingers into this. I’ve been trying to keep them at bay since you got back, but… they’re going to have a lot more questions than I did.”

“Shiro. Can you live with that?” Matt’s grip on his shoulder tightened.

Shiro nodded without looking at him.

“Please look at me.” Matt had moved to kneel in front of him. “I’m sorry, I-I…”

“It’s fine. I’m… fine.” He glanced at Matt and felt at ease with the way the younger man was looking at him. “You drove the point home.”

“Yeah, I guess I did.”

Shiro was reaching to pull Matt up into hug when one of the other officers came into the room.

“Captain. There’s a Mrs. McClain in the lobby, yelling and demanding to see Shirogane.”

“Shiro, you…”

Shiro clenched his hand and stood up. “I… I should’ve talked to her as soon as Lance and I agreed for him to stay with me…”

Matt was standing next to him, holding his flesh hand tightly. “You want me to come with you?”

He looked at him, really looking at him. He’d missed Matt, from before the Galra separated them. Matt had been next to him the entire time but. Neither of them were ready to try to start over, but having him there. “Please.”

“Shiro! Matt!” Mrs. McClain yelled, her eyes going wide at seeing them. She sounded angry, but the look on her face betrayed that she was actually happy to see the both of them.

“Mrs. McClain…” Shiro put a hand towards her, his free metal hand. Her eyes fell to it and they softened.

“They won’t let me see my Lance.” Her eyes glanced towards Matt, then at the ground. “Your mother wouldn’t even let me see him. She said he switched you to his contact…”

“He… He’s not ready to see you, for you to see him.” Shiro put all his effort to keep his voice from cracking, moving his own gaze to the spot on the floor she was focused on. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“He’s my son! He… he went to protect me! I-…”

“He just needs time, to process before he tries.” Matt sighed, stepping up next to her.

She sniffled, reaching out to take Shiro’s metal wrist. Her eyes were on him. “You’ll take care of him, right? Please…”

“Of course. I’ll take care of him like…” His voice cracked then, unable to finish his sentence, turning to look at her. She had always treated his brother like her own, it was only fair for him to extend Lance the same courtesy while under his roof.

A small, sad smile spread over her face. “Keith was always lucky to have you as a brother.”

Shiro sobbed, and she pulled him down against her shoulder, hugging him tightly. It had been too many years since he’d felt a motherly hug like this. “I promise I’ll take care of him, and make sure he sees you when he’s ready.”

“Thank you Shiro.” She held him tightly. “You should come by, get some of his things for him from his room.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

A few days later Matt was helping Shiro get some of Lance’s stuff set up in the room that was already set up for Keith. Mrs. McClain had given them some of his clothes, a few framed family pictures, some knickknacks, and stuffed animals.

Shiro set most of the stuffed animals on the chair in the corner, but Mrs. McClain said the shark was special, so he set that on the bed with the only stuffed animal Keith had. He’d been given others, but they’d all gotten lost in moves between foster homes. He sat down and picked up the hippo. Before their dad died, Keith had one like it, bigger. This one, Lance had won him at the town carnival when their friendship was still on edge.

“You okay?” Matt asked as he finished setting pictures of the McClain family with the few pictures that Shiro had of him, Keith, and their dad.

“This room. It’s set up for someone… who doesn’t even exist anymore.” Shiro glanced around at the band and movie posters hanging lopsidedly on the walls, like they had at their old home.

“Shiro, we’re going to-…”

“I know. But he isn’t this kid anymore. He’s an adult now, and the things they’ve done to him, the things they’re making him do…” Shiro held the hippo a little closer to his chest.

“We’re not the same people either. We’ve both done things to survive that we’re not proud of.” Matt sat next to him, looking down at his lap. “The things I’ve hacked into for them, the things I put on their sites. I should be behind bars.”

“They didn’t give you much of a choice Matt.”

“I know. I kept my self out of the worst of the beatings, after you got me out of fighting in the gladiator rings, nothing ever went farther than some forced blow jobs, but… I still did, I did have a choice.” Matt closed his hands in his lap. “Some of the videos I put up on their website… I’ve seen what they’ve done to him. I don’t even have words to describe how horrible…”

Shiro looked over at him, swallowing hard. “You’ve…”

“I’ll spare you the details Takashi.” Matt looked up at him and frowned. “Especially since…”

“Please don’t.”

“I know it’s… I can’t even imagine what that was like, but you can’t just…”

“Matt.” Shiro got up, keeping his back to Matt. “I can’t…”

“You-…”

“No! You don’t understand! I already can’t stop thinking about it!” Shiro’s back visibly tensed. “And not… I can’t stop imagining doing it _again_ , of pinning him down and-…”

“Woah, woah. Shiro, calm down.” Matt stood and grabbed his shoulders. “Then we definitely need to talk about it. You can’t… when we get him back, you-...”

“How am I supposed to deal with this? How are you going to help with this?” Shiro pulled out of his grasp, feeling tears coming to his eyes. “I want to fuck- rape my brother. How am I suppose to resolve that?”

“Takashi.”

“I-I… I want to do to him what Sendak did to me, what Zarkon… what they’ve probably already done to him.” Shiro tried to move away, but Matt was holding onto him, tighter this time. “Being in here…”

“You love Keith. You won’t hurt him, I know you won’t.” Matt pulled him into a hug, pressing his face between Shiro’s shoulder blades. “And I won’t let you. But I can only help you work through these feelings if you let me, okay?”

“Matt, how can you still…”

“Because I know that you don’t want to hurt him like that. That what you feel isn’t-…”

“I don’t want to hurt him, you’re right, but I think maybe I’ve always felt this deeper love for him, and didn’t realize it until I had to…” Shiro turned, hugging him back, hiding his face in his hair. “They made it more twisted than it already was.”

Matt didn’t say anything for a while, but he eventually pulled back a little. “I… I can’t put myself in your shoes. What you and Keith have been through, you… the two of you were always so close, but you can’t Shiro.”

“How? What would a shrink say if I told them? Maybe it would be better if Keith just stayed away.” Shiro shook his head, looking around the room again. “Maybe I should tell Lance I changed my mind about him staying with me.”

“Keith’s going to need you when we get him back. And Lance, you both have lost him twice, you’ve both been forced to hurt him, been hurt, they’ve taken so much from both of you. I think you and Lance need each other too.” Matt’s hand slid to where metal met flesh on Shiro’s arm, squeezing. “But this, I think it would best to keep this between us and your therapist, okay?”

Shiro finally looked at Matt’s face, wiping at his eyes before nodding. “Matt, I’m sorry… I-I…”

“It’s not your fault that this is how you feel Takashi. But it is up to you how you deal with your feelings, what you do.” Matt moved his other hand to Shiro’s face. “Why don’t you go to the living room and calm down. Then we’ll go see Lance, and have dinner with my family, okay.”

Shiro smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Matt.”


	8. Home, Bittersweet Home

It had been over two weeks, since he’d been rescued from the Lion’s Den, two weeks of minor surgeries to heal badly healed wounds, two weeks of carefully planned detox. If he hadn’t opted out of the good pain meds for his surgery pain, he’d probably be stuck in the hospital for at least another week.

Shiro had stopped by every day, even if it was only for them to sit in silence for a few moments. They weren’t quite ready to discuss their own experiences, so there wasn’t much to talk about aside from Lance’s progress, and the lack of progress in finding Keith. Matt tagged along a few times, much more lively than Shiro. Lance actually found himself smiling when Matt came in, he was much the same goofy guy he’d known before. Being with the Galra didn’t seem to break Matt as badly as it had Lance and Shiro.

Pidge and Hunk messaged him every day too. He didn’t always respond, but sometimes he would talk to them for hours.

He was being released soon though. There had been talks of follow up appointments, recommendation for therapists with his doctor and Mrs. Holt. They’d even both talked to Shiro if he was willing to be responsible to keep Lance’s prescriptions and give them to him, to keep him from falling off the wagon. Shiro had reluctantly agreed.

When it was finally the day, he got dressed in the actual clothes that Shiro had brought him. There had also been pajamas, that he’d been wearing instead of the gown when he could get away with it. He stood at the foot of his hospital bed, looking around the room. It was good to be leaving the boring, empty room. He’d already said his goodbyes to Allura, who had probably another two weeks of detox before she should leave, not to mention she had more years of badly healed injuries for them to fix.

Mrs. Holt came in with a knock, and he whirled around to look at her. She was smiling, holding a packet of papers. The last of it so he could leave.

“You know, if you need anything, you can message me anytime, or have Takashi call me.” She put her hand on his cheek, looking at him softly.

He touched her hand and held out his other for the paperwork.

“I know Katie is very excited to see you again, but don’t push yourself.”

Nodding, he pulled her into a hug.

“You’re welcome Lance.” She sighed as she hugged him back, the great kind of hug only a mother could give.

When she pulled out of the hug, she combed his hair out of his face with her fingers. “Just drop those off with the nurse at the desk, and you’ll be all set as soon as Takashi gets here to take you home.”

He had been finished with signing everything for a while when there was a knock at the door. Shiro looked unsure as he walked into the room.

“Hey.”

Lance smiled at him, gathering up the papers scattered all over the lap tray.

“You still sure about this?”

Nodding, Lance grabbed his bag of dirty clothes things he was ‘stealing’ from the hospital.

“You ready then?”

Again, Lance nodded and walked over to him. He took Shiro’s hand, looking up at him.

“Yeah, I’m still good with this. It’s just… all going to take a lot of getting used to…”

Lance motioned between their chests.

“For both of us? Yeah, I guess, yeah…” He sighed, glancing down at the hand in his. “Come on then.”

Lance pulled him from the room, stopping at the nurses’ station. He had to pull his hand from Shiro’s to type out some more complicated answers to her questions, but once she said that he was really good to go, he entwined their fingers again.

As they drove, Lance stared out the window, watching their town go by. It was only four months, and Lance didn’t really know if he felt at home. He could only imagine how strange it had felt for Shiro and Matt, how it would feel for Keith.

He glanced over at Shiro and then rested his head back. He’d never be able to have a conversation when he was driving again. If someone else was driving, he could do text-to-talk, but those electronic voices grated at his nerves.

But there would be time for them to talk after Lance settled in. They had a lot to talk about. How they were going to help each other recover, how they were going to help Keith when they got him back. They had time, and frankly, Lance wished they didn’t, that Keith would be back before the two of them got their shit together.

Luckily, Shiro was parking before Lance’s mind wondered too far into thinking of what was happening to Keith. He got out of the car, going to his bag, only to be told that Shiro had it.

The apartment was on the second floor, meaning that the windows would be out of reach. It was a comforting thought as Lance waited for Shiro to open the door.

It looked so much like where Shiro and Keith lived before, more open, a different layout, but all the same old, second-hand furniture. Pictures of Shiro and Keith, and Keith and Lance, and everyone.

“Your room is the one on the right, the master, so you don’t have to worry about bathroom privacy, and because it’ll be you and… when…” Shiro wasn’t quite looking at him. “This is your home, so… I’ll let you get settled, but I’m here, if you need anything.”

Lance took his phone out, pulling up the wifi selection before handing it out to Shiro.

“Actually, your mom gave me your actual phone, it’s in your room, with your house key, on the nightstand, I already set up the wifi.” Shiro glanced down at him. “And Keith’s old laptop is in there too.”

Lance glanced at the door and bit his lip. He wondered if it some how still had some of Keith’s browsing history left. Well, even if it was a little creepy, Lance couldn’t help but want that connection to the Keith he used to know, that insight into things that he might not have opened up about back then.

“I was going to order pizza for dinner, was there anything else-…” Shiro paused when Lance whipped around to look at him, moving to type on the phone. “Garlic knots, of course. How could I forget.”

Smiling at him, Lance saluted him before finally moving to go into his new room.

When Lance opened the door, he felt the wind get knocked out of him. The overwhelming nostalgia hit him like a sack of bricks. It was only a little over a year that Keith had his own space like this, decorated with his own things, but the two of them spent so much time in this room together in that year.

As he turned on the light and looked around, so many of the things on the walls and surfaces were gifts, from him and Hunk and Pidge. But as he looked closer, he noticed some of his own favorite things from his own room. Shiro had mentioned he’d gotten some of his clothes but, there were picture of him and his own family with pictures of Shiro and Keith.

Sir Sharkington and Little Hippo were sitting against each other on the bed. Seeing that, tears came to his eyes and he was completely distracted from his mission to peek on fifteen-year-old Keith’s internet history. He curled up on the bed, scooping up the two stuffed animals into his arms. Sir Sharkington, a gift from his dead father, and Little Hippo, a gift from him to his still missing love.

He cried himself to sleep, and woke up who knows how long later. If he could’ve, he would’ve been screaming as he thrashed out an arm to try to defend against his dream-assailant, thrashing so much he tumbled off the bed.

The sound of his falling was loud enough that Shiro was in the doorway in a moment, and then kneeling next to him in another.

“Lance?” Shiro’s hands were hovering over him, unsure if it was okay to touch him.

As Lance looked up at him, the specifics of the nightmare were fading from his memory, but the panic and the sensations on his skin didn’t. He took in Shiro’s face and swallowed hard, squeezing the plush animals that were still tight in his one arm. There was a small amount of pain where he’d hit the ground, but he pushed himself anyway.

Shiro let out a shuddering breath as Lance pressed his face against his chest. He wrapped his arms around him tightly. “It’s okay. You’re safe here Lance.”

Lance held onto Shiro’s shirt until his breathing evened out and the panic worked itself out of his system. He pulled back and smiled up at Shiro.

Moving his flesh hand to his face, Shiro wiped at the tears on Lance’s facing, smiling back at him. “Pizza should be here soon. Why don’t we find something entirely too wholesome to watch while we eat, huh?”

Nodding, Lance let Shiro help him up. He kept the two stuffed animals clutched against his chest.

Over their meal, Lance mentioned, through typing it out on his phone, that he really hadn’t had many nightmares at the hospital, the detox and surgeries probably kept him too exhausted to dream.

Shiro nodded. He admitted he hadn’t actually been sleeping much, nightmares plaguing his own nights. Him and Matt had been sharing a bed, and it had helped most nights.

‘Then let’s sleep together.’ Lance held out as he looked down at his plate, not wanting to see Shiro’s face if he had a negative reaction.

“It’s worth a shot I guess.” Shiro shrugged, not quite looking at Lance either.

After they were finished, Lance went to get a shower. He spent so long in the shower, enjoying the real, completely private shower for the first time in months, with his shampoo and conditioner, that the water was completely freezing when he finally got out.

He rummaged through the drawers, grabbing some old sweats and t-shirts that Keith used to wear to sleep, he knew they were originally Shiro’s, but he associated the oversized clothes with Keith. It was too much to hope they still smelled like Keith, they just smelled kind of musty, so sitting in Shiro’s storage unit.

Shiro was sitting in bed, on his phone when Lance walked in, knocking on the door frame since he couldn’t call out to him. The stuffed animals were curled under his arms. The older man smiled at him and motioned him over. “It’s been a lot these last few weeks, we both need the sleep.”

Lance got under the covers, looking at Shiro awkwardly. Shiro was the only one of his close friends he’d never shared a bed with. Matt, Pidge, Hunk, Keith, dozens, hundreds of times, but never once with Shiro.

“So, do you want to cuddle, or just bed share?” Shiro rubbed the back of his neck as he sunk a little farther down in the bed.

Tilting his head a few times, he answered with his phone. ‘Bed share, but if one of gets a nightmare, we’ll cuddle?’

Letting out a little laugh, Shiro reached for the lamp. “Fair enough.”

Lance practically tackled Shiro, grabbing his wrist.

“You don’t want me to turn off the light?”

Shaking his head, Lance pulled back.

“Okay.” Shiro reached out and ruffled Lance’s wet hair. “We’ll leave it on.”

Lance was in the middle of a nightmare, but it wasn’t bad enough to wake himself up from. Luckily, Shiro screaming as he woke up from his did the trick. When they both rolled over, reaching for each other, they both feel back asleep to a dreamless rest.


	9. The Great Therapist Hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't seen a therapist since I was like ten, mandated by my principle for anger management, and it didn't last long because I call my therapist a quack and told my mom I didn't want to see him anymore, so yeah.

Finding a therapist wasn’t easy. Some were unwilling to deal with Lance’s communication barrier, like reading was too hard for them or something. He mentioned that he was in the process of learning sign language, but that didn’t help if none of them knew it. Few of them were honest enough to tell him they weren’t comfortable with his level of abuse and couldn’t help him, or the others who didn’t have the experience to offer him adequate advice or insight. A lot of them weren’t interested in answering his questions, Pidge and Hunk had helped him come up with what he needed in a therapist, and the list only grew with every bad introduction. Worse, were the ones who really should’ve picked a different career path: the ones that infantized him, the ones that victim blamed him, and the one really creepy guy who was clearly getting turned on by Lance’s summary of problems during the introductory session.

Lance was almost about to give up hope, he hated being out of the apartment. It had only been a few weeks, and it already felt like home. Leaving was even harder knowing that he was only leaving for appointments, for either his body or mind to be poked at. Matt and Shiro’s pool of shrinks was smaller, so they settled a little quicker.

Matt had hit it off with his first department approved therapist, and was working through his own experience quickly. Lance knew it was mostly because Matt’s experiences weren’t terrible, comparatively to Shiro’s or his own, but he was also lucky to find a good one so easily.

Shiro had settled for his first one. Lance had overheard him telling Matt that it was just a formality, that he was fine, that he didn’t need to cry to a shrink, that he was only doing it to get cleared for active duty. Despite the fact that Shiro complained that his therapist just confused and irritated him, Lance encouraged him to try. He lived with the guy: he knew how much he needed therapy.

Almost ready to give up, Lance had just been shown into another room by the receptionist, apparently the therapist would be with him momentarily. Dr. June Michaels, she had great reviews online, very compassionate, with a specialty in sexual trauma, quite a few years experience, but not super old. Knew ASL and had a few reviews from deaf patients. She was promising.

Except she wasn’t a she. There wasn’t a picture on the practice website, and there hadn’t been any gendered words in the bio. Dr. June Michaels was a rather attractive man, in his early forties. At first Lance was going to politely tell the guy that he had the wrong place until a hand was held out to him, as the man introduced himself.

The first thing Lance said when Dr. Michaels sat down was that he was expecting a woman. Apparently he got that a lot.

After he finished laughing, he leaned forward, his smile gentle and sincere. “Now, Lance, based on what you put on your pre-session survey and the recommendation I got from your doctors at the hospital, I think I’ll be able to help you. It will take a while to work through it, and it won’t be easy, but you don’t look like a young man afraid hard work.”

Lance nodded, readjusting himself, preparing for more details on his problems.

“Now, I of course want some more information before I can adequately make an outline of treatment, but I’m sure you have questions for me.” He settled back, motioning towards him.

Blinking a few times, Lance glanced down at the notebook he had set next to himself while he was waiting.

“Go ahead. This is your treatment, if you don’t think I’m the right fit for you, then you need to find someone who is. While this is a professional relationship on my part, I can’t expect you to truly open up if you’re not comfortable with me, and I can’t help you to the best of my ability if you don’t trust me to tell me everything as your condition allows.”

Lance smiled slightly as he opened up to the fresh page of questions. There were dozens of other pages from previous sessions, some of the therapists he’d given a second chance to, but not a third.

As he asked questions, he liked the answers he was getting. Dr. Michaels was definitely living up to his reviews. Some of the questions turned into a discussion, with the shrink following some of his answers with turning the question onto Lance, asking how he’d like to approach certain things. The last question was about his thoughts of drugs, which Lance really liked. Clearly Dr. Michaels had actually read through the survey and medical history to know that he had a short, but bad history with drugs, and knew what the regiment he had been prescribed by the hospital should be helping him for. If Lance stayed with him, he’d probably get taken off most of those, and given a sleep aide. Sleeping without nightmares would be a fucking blessing.

Once Lance finished writing down his responses, he let Dr. Michaels know he was finished with his questions, and that it was his turn.

With a small nod, Dr. Michaels grabbed his own notepad, reading over what was already written there. Most of his questions were pointed, about Lance’s specific goals for therapy. He also asked about his current living situation, and of course he wanted to know more about Shiro. There were questions about his family too, but nothing to make his feel more than a little anxious.

“Now, I think that’s all the questions I have. Is there anything specific that you want to try to work through today?”

Lance thought for a few moments. There wasn’t enough time in their session for them to work anything out, and he was having a rather good day, so he just shook his head.

“Alright, then I’d like to meet… today is Tuesday, Friday, to discuss a treatment outline. For now, I’d like to meet with you two or three times a week.”

Smiling, Lance nodded, he hoped that Dr. Michaels would continue to be as great as he already was.

“Okay, let me grab my calendar to see when in my usual hours I’m available…” He pulled out his phone, thumbing through it. Hastily, he scribbled down some dates and times, then held it out to Lance.

“What of this will work best for you? Is three sessions too much for you?”

Lance pointed at a couple dates and times. Shiro was seeing his therapist once a week, and always the same time, so that was really the biggest time issue. That and his other appointments.

Once the dates were decided, Dr. Michaels stood up. “Alright, I look forward to helping you Lance. Let me see you out.”

Smiling, Lance followed him into the waiting room. Shiro stood up from where he looked like he was dying of boredom.

“How’d it go?” Shiro asked as he walked over.

Lance grinned and held up the little cards with all four of his upcoming appointment times.

The smile was infectious because Shiro smiled down at him. “That’s great Lance, I’m glad you finally found one you liked.”

Shiro didn’t say anything when he got back from his own appointment the next week, after two of Lance’s own real sessions, just sat on the couch next to Lance. He stared blankly at the empty TV screen and wiped at his face, where the clear lines of tears had left their tracks. Lance adjusted himself so he was resting his head against the older man’s shoulder, and arm wrapped around his shoulders for his efforts.

“You know, you haven’t told me anything, about what they did to you. You’ve sat through me telling you, but.” Lance held out his phone after Shiro got back from his shower, looking a little less broken.

Sighing, Shiro sat back down next to him. “You have enough, that I didn’t want to throw it on you when… but you’re seeing a therapist, so I guess it’s time. Especially… I owe you an explanation of what happened with-… Did he tell you anything?”

Shaking his head, Lance tapped away. “But I saw him after, I know what happened, but I don’t understand.”

Shiro rubbed his face. “I was with the Alteans, undercover as Allura’s bodyguard. Alfor knew I was looking for my brother who was probably taken by the Galra, and he agreed to help. Zarkon wiped out the Alteans, and when I fought back, I impressed one of his generals. Matt had snuck in to check in on me, so they took him too, to the gladiator ring. They wanted me to prove myself, and they wanted to watch Matt, a cop, die in blood sport. I protected him enough that they moved him to a hacker unit. I fought, and I fought, until I became the Champion.”

Lance put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing rather hard.

“They offered me a chance to join the gang, and I agreed. If they had… being a part of the gang, I thought it’d be easier to find him.” Shiro let out a choked bark of laughter as a tear fell down his cheek. “I guess it was.”

With his other hand, Lance wiped away the tear.

“He… He said they’d kill me if we didn’t.” Shiro covered his face, shaking his head. “He said I had to live, that I had to live so I could get him out, get _everyone_ out.”

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Lance pulled one of Shiro’s hands away from his face.

Shiro looked at him, tears streaming down his face now. His hand cupped Lance’s cheek as he sobbed. “But by ‘everyone’ he meant you. He wanted to make sure you got out, even if that meant that…”

Lance pressed in to wrap himself up in Shiro. Keith put him through what was probably a terrible nightmare of experience for a chance for Lance to be saved. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d already decided to give in when he told his brother to…

Shiro hugged him tightly, sobbing into his hair as Lance cried silently. There were still details Shiro had to tell Lance, of his time as a gladiator, but for the moment, it was enough and too much.

They both still needed time before they could unload more on each other. That night they didn’t have any pretense of them starting in separate beds only for one of them to knock on the other’s door. Lance wondered if Keith would feel better with both of them wrapped around him, or if he would even allow them to touch him.


	10. Waiting Game

Matt was laying in Shiro’s lap, reaching up and playing with the tuft of white on his forehead. He knew it was a side effect of the procedures the Galra had put him through to “improve” him and make his prosthetic fully functioning, and then some. But, Matt kind of liked it, it added a bit of character. The scar of him face, that made his heart hurt, because that was directly because of him.

“Matt.” Shiro held onto Matt’s wrist when his hand moved to trace across the scar.

“Takashi.” Matt had almost thought that Shiro had fallen asleep. His heart ached when Shiro looked down at him with those dark eyes. It would be a long time before Shiro was ready to try to be together again, and it was Matt’s decision to split when the initial search for Keith was straining their relationship, but damn, if Matt didn’t miss his boyfriend.

Shiro held his hand as he looked away.

“Talk to me. How is therapy going?”

A groan and a grimace was Shiro’s response.

Covering his mouth, he couldn’t help but laugh. “That good huh?”

“I’m pretty sure my therapist is fucking crazy.”

“Okay, but is he…?”

“I don’t know I just…”

“You’re not taking it seriously.” Matt sat up, rolling his eyes as he glared at Shiro. “Shiro.”

“I’m trying.” Shiro held his head as he leaned over into the space Matt had just vacated. “But, this is- He has the power to make sure I never get my badge back, that I can’t help find him, so I can’t-…”

“Even if you get signed back to active duty, you shouldn’t be anywhere this case. And healing is way more important than a job Shiro, we can find you literally any other job.” Matt took a deep breath and held his shoulder. Shiro was shaking. “Shiro.”

“No!” Shiro shouted, swatting his hand away. Then he was staring off into the distance behind Matt, eyes waiting.

Matt turned and followed his gaze to Lance’s door. Presumably, he was still sleeping or talking with Pidge and Hunk. Pidge had been pretty excited about the chance to see Lance soon. When nothing happened, he focused back on Shiro.

“Shiro. You’ve been putting on a brave face for Lance, right?” Matt took Shiro’s cheek and forced him to look at him. “But it’s not easy right?”

“He needs someone who has their shit together.” Again he pushed the hand off him.

“But you _don’t_. And I’m sure he’d rather be honest with him and yourself. You’re not talking to your therapist, you can’t talk to him, and you won’t really talk to me. What happens when it gets too much and you blow up? I’ve seen your temper, you control it so well, but when you can’t anymore, it’s scary. Lance is going to get caught in that, and after what he’s been through, you’re just going to set him back, and you’re not going to forgive yourself.”

“I’m fine Matt.” Shiro stood up, putting some physical distance between them. “I just need him home! Everyday he isn’t here, what they’re doing to him, it’s all I can think about Matt. I should be out there searching for him, I-…” His voice broke.

“What more can you do? Are you going to go out and turn over every rock in the desert? Knock on every door in the state? You’re already doing all you can.”

“No! I need to find him!”

“Is that really what he wants though?”

Shiro didn’t even have words as he stared at Matt, floundering for the right string of expletives.

“Last time I talked to Lance about it, Keith did everything he did to get Lance out, so _you_ could get Lance out. He needs you to take care of Lance.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? Wait for him to just come back on his own? Like they’d let him go so easily!”

“Shiro.” Matt stood up and walked towards him. “We got the Lion’s Den taken off the map, it was their biggest source of income—trust me, I’ve seen the budget—the Galra are vulnerable, the Feds are on the case, it’s one of their biggest priorities. And you did that, because it’s what Keith wanted.”

“Four and a half years Matt! They’ve had him for four and a half fucking years! He’d just gotten somewhere safe, and I couldn’t protect him.” Shiro bit his lip before turning to glare at Matt. “What if it was the other way? What if they had Pidge? Wouldn’t you be doing what I’m…”

Matt wrapped his arms around of Shiro, because of course he would. He’d do anything to protect his baby sister, and him and Katie and never been anywhere as close as Keith and Shiro were. “For fuck’s sake Takashi, just take care of yourself. For Lance, for me, for Keith when we get him home.”

“How?”

“Tell your therapist the truth, the whole truth, even if it means having to turn in your badge forever and fighting to get him back in other ways. I won’t let anyone forget that Keith needs out, that he’s suffered too much.”

“Matt.”

“Takashi. We’re going to bring him home. I promise, no matter what it takes.”

“Thank you.” Shiro finally brought his arms up to hug him back. “But, let’s not get forced into the Galra ourselves again.”

“Oh, he’s still got bad jokes.” Matt looked at him with a smile.

“I’m trying really hard.”

“Good.”

*-*-*-*-*-*

Shiro had left to get his daily update from the station. Matt decided to stay and check in with Lance.

Lance was laying in the bed, staring up at the ceiling, tears falling down his cheeks.

“I guess you heard at least some of our talk.” Matt sighed as he walked into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry.”

Shaking his head, Lance closed his eyes.

“I got a little… I guess I’m just tired of having the same talk with him all the time, but I also can’t just let him run himself down.” Matt groaned as he slumped a little. “He’s probably tired of hearing it too.”

A smile spread on Lance’s face as he sat up and grabbed the phone from his nightstand. “I know the feeling. The number of conversations that Keith and I repeated in the Den. I was always telling him that I didn’t care if I got hurt more if it meant I could be there for him, and he was always that I shouldn’t give up hope, when he had given up feeling anything.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t easy to catch up in that environment.”

“Enough to know that he isn’t the boy I fell in love with when were in high school, and enough that I love him still, no matter what they’ve turned him into.” Lance’s smile was a shadow of what Matt remembered. His own probably was too. “Do you still love Shiro?”

“He doesn’t make it easy, but yes, I really do.”

“And him?”

“I think so, yeah.” Matt felt himself smile before he realized why Lance asked. “And Keith definitely still loves you.”

“It was the last thing he said to me. I didn’t get a chance to tell him.”

“I’m sure he knows.” Matt moved Lance’s bangs off his forehead before wiping at the tears falling from his eyes again.

With a small nod, Lance leaned into him. They stayed like that for a while before Matt took a shaky breath, hoping to move to something lighter to keep Lance from spiraling.

“Katie said you’ve been discussing her and Hunk coming over for a visit. She’s excited to see you.”

“Yeah, we finally decided on tomorrow, after my appointment.” Lance pulled away, not quite looking at him. “It’s going to be weird, but it’ll be good to see them.”

“It’s a big step Lance. I’m so happy that you’re ready to try and take it.”

“Me too.”

Matt left Lance to be alone again, but hopefully a little more at peace than when Matt checked on him. He stayed in the house, waiting for Shiro. Predictably, Shiro was upset when he got home. No new leads on taking down the Galra, much less finding Keith. It took some coaxing and very firm hand, but Matt took Shiro outside to have the fight all over again somewhere away from Lance.


	11. Reuniting of Friends

Lance can’t remember the last time he was this excited, or nervous. If he had to really pick the last time, it was probably when Keith told him that he changed his mind about the date, but it was a bittersweet memory that lead to the worst thing to ever happen to anyone—and that was an objective fact and not just Lance being dramatic and biased.

But Pidge and Hunk were going to be there any minute. Matt was even making Shiro go out and do something ‘normal’ to give them some space to catch up.

The door opened and he jumped up from the couch like an overexcited puppy, but it was just Matt.

“Hunk has Pidge. Apparently they wanted to pick something up? I don’t know, they were being pretty hush-hush about it.” Matt put his hands up when Lance’s face fell. “But I’ll get Shiro out of your hair awhile.”

“I’m not in his hair Matt.” Shiro huffed as he came out of his room, leaning in the doorway.

“Okay, but my point stands.” Matt pointed at him with a grin.

“Let me grab my shoes.” He huffed again, disappearing back into his room.

“She was a little intense when she saw me and Shiro again, you can handle that?”

Lance nodded, pulling out his phone. “Honestly, I’m worried Hunk is going to hug me hard enough to put me back in the hospital.”

Matt laughed, nodding in agreement. “It was four months, right?”

“A very long four months.”

“Ready.” Shiro walked over to them. “You sure you wouldn’t rather we stay?”

“It’s Pidge and Hunk. I can handle them, and if I can’t, then they need to get used to me being like this now.”

“He has a point Shiro.” Matt poked the other man’s cheek.

“Have fun with Matt Shiro. You could use some fun.” Lance grinned up at his roommate, who just rolled his eyes.

Lance started pacing when Shiro and Matt left, but it didn’t take long before there was a knock at the door. He put his eye to the peep-hole. Hunk, looking at nervous as he felt.

He opened the door, Pidge and Hunk’s eyes went wide as they looked at him. As they took in what he looked like, much more like himself than when he’d first gotten out, but still thin and little too pale, they seemed to pale themselves, until they met his eyes again. Both offered him tentative smiles.

“Lance?” Hunk said first, a choked whisper of a sound. He had his hands clenched at his sides, as if using all his willpower to keep them there.

Nodding, Lance felt the sting of tears at his eyes.

“Can… Can I hug you?” Pidge’s voice was a squeak.

He’d barely gotten to nod before Pidge launched herself at him. He took a few steps back as he attempted to keep them both standing, but he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

Hunk came into the apartment and pulled them both into a hug. Lance’s heart was beating too loudly for him to really hear what his best friends were saying through their sobs, but it was so good to hear their voices.

“Okay, so, we brought… someone. Please don’t be mad.” Pidge said, wiping her tears from behind her glasses once her and Hunk peeled themselves off him.

Lance looked down at her and felt panic rising as his heart was pounding against his ribs.

“Lance?” Sarah’s voice reached his ears and he was drawn to look at where she was standing in the doorway. Tears were in her eyes too.

His ability to breathe stopped and his vision went fuzzy. Lance could barely register his knees buckling, or the three voices screaming his name. Arms caught him.

When he could breathe again, he was on the couch. Hunk was sitting next to him, rubbing his back and saying something. Pidge was sitting on the floor at his feet, looking up at him like she was on the edge of her own panic attack. He didn’t want to look around to see where his sister was, if he pretended hard enough, she wouldn’t be there, she wouldn’t be seeing him like he was.

“Lance?” Pidge’s voice saying his name cut through the ringing in his ears.

He focused his eyes down at her as he wrapped his arms around his stomach, breathing deeply to make up from the few moments of oxygen deprivation.

“I’m sorry, but she’s… it didn’t seem fair that we were getting to see you before your family did and Sarah… I can’t really say no to her, so…”

Lance blinked at her, feeling around somewhat frantically for his phone before a hand grabbed his, Hunk’s hand his brain helpful supplied, and slipped his phone into is grasp.

It took a moment for Lance to get his brain to connect enough neurons to make the words on the screen make sense, but he finally flipped the phone around to a pouting Pidge. “How long have you been fucking my sister?”

Pidge sputtered, her eyes widening behind her glasses. “Once! It was once! Before I left for college!”

He narrowed his gaze at her.

“But… we did get a little closer while you were gone… bonding over our mutually missing brothers, but we haven’t… because you were… and…” Pidge trailed off before looking back at him, returning the glare. She pointed a finger in his face. “Don’t _you_ change the subject! Your sister wanted to see you!”

Lance swallowed, adjusting his phone so he could type again. “I didn’t want her to see me.”

“Just… talk to your sister.” Pidge reached out and touched his knee. “You missed her right? She missed you, and she’s not a kid. Sarah understands what happened to you.”

He took a shaky breath as he looked up at his sister. She was staring at him, worrying her hands, waiting. “Lance.”

Nodding, he glanced at Hunk. Hunk stood up. “Got it buddy. You want Pidge and me to make ourselves scarce?”

Lance shook his head as Hunk moved to the armchair instead. Sarah walked over slowly, sitting down next to him, her eyes on him the entire time. Lance on the other hand wasn’t exactly looking at his younger sister.

Sarah looked over his now that she was so close, and she sobbed when she took his face into her hands, tilting it up so their eyes met. He saw the tears falling down her face, which looked the same as he remembered.

“Lance.” She sobbed before pulling him in for a tight hug. He hugged him back. “I missed you so much, we all did.”

He tightened his grip on her, burying his face.

“I’m so glad you’re home, even if you won’t come home.” She pulled back a little, taking his face in her hands again. “Melanie and Allison don’t understand.”

Lance nodded, adverting his eyes.

“Please, I-I… talk to me.” Her eyes went wide when he closed his eyes tightly, starting to shake. “I know you-… I’m sorry, just… how you can. Lance please. You’re my big brother and I-I…”

He mouthed her name a few times, feeling tears fall down his face.

“It wasn’t… There’s so much I want to know, so much you need to know, but I’m just…”

Nodding, he opened his eyes. He grabbed his phone, typing out a few things and deleting them before eventually settling on something to show her. “I’m not okay Sarah. I can’t see Allison or Melanie, not when I’m so easy to trigger. And Mama…”

“I understand, but I can help you Lance.” Sarah looked away from the screen, back at his face. “I love you so much Lance, please let help you.”

Lance swallowed, nodding. “I’m glad they brought you. It’s good to see you.”

Pidge and Hunk were there still, and now their sobs were loud as the two siblings hugged again. It took a few beats before they came over and joined in the hug.

They all gave Lance a bit of space after that. There wasn’t much talking, but what talking there was about what Lance had been doing since he’d been back. How his therapy was going, how living with Shiro was, what the three of them could do to help.

When Hunk, Pidge, and Sarah were getting ready to leave, Lance pulled Sarah aside. He had one question that was haunting him.

“What happened to Papa?”

“Lance. You’re not ready.”

“Sarah, please tell me.”

She took a deep breath before looking away from him. “He tried to go get you back, it wasn’t long after they took you.”

Lance closed his eyes tightly, feeling himself swaying on his feet. Sarah helped him back onto the couch, kneeling in front of him.

“Lance, it wasn’t your fault.”

He knew that, but it didn’t help convince him. The Galra weren’t going to let him go so easily that his angry father would’ve convinced them to let him go.

His eyes opened slightly, swallowing hard. Would the Galra try to get him back? Was he putting his family in danger by being there. He needed to talk to Shiro, to Coran.

“Lance, bro? You okay?” Sarah’s voice brought him back to the moment.

He nodded, forcing himself to smile at her.

“You sure? I don’t want to leave if you’re not okay.”

“Shiro and Matt will be back soon. I’m okay, I promise.”

She nodded, kissing his forehead and hugging him again. Pidge and Hunk both stole another hug before they all left.

Lance shot up and did all of the locks. Matt and Shiro would have to knock to get in, but he suddenly did not feel safe.


	12. Flick of the Wrist

“Matt, how do you feel you’ve been recovering?” His therapist was staring at him with a soft smile and calculating eyes. She had been so good for him, and kind, but she was being paid by the police department, so her primary job to make sure he was fit for duty.

He slumped in his chair. “I don’t know. I feel… at ease most of the time, with what happened, but maybe I’m just fooling myself. But Shiro and Lance, they had so it much worse, so I should be better.”

“It doesn’t do well to compare traumas. Your friends may have face arguably worse, or more of it, only you can say how you’ve taken the trauma into yourself, and how you’ve dealt with it now that it’s over.” She leaned forwards slightly. “There is no shame in taking your time to heal, even if it is longer than those who you view as having it worse.”

“I know, I know.” He leaned over and held his face. “But is it wrong that part of feeling better is knowing that it could’ve been worse?”

“Do you feel superior to Lance and Shiro, or the other survivors you helped rescue, because you didn’t have it as bad?”

“No. No, I wish I could take some of their hurt. They’ve been through so much.”

She hummed and sat back again. “I believe you are, your pain when you speak of them is real, and you describe them to seem a little lighter whenever you interact with them. But you must take care of yourself first.”

“Yeah.” Matt shook his head, his hair falling to hide his face further.

“Matt, what you’ve been through, what you will continue to go through as part of Shiro, Lance, and Keith’s support system, you should be in therapy for the rest of your life. It may not always as easy as it come to in the last few weeks. You’ll have to be honest with yourself, with them, and with your commanding officer about where you are.”

It took a few moments for the last bit to register, he looked up at her, blinking a little rapidly like it would help him to process. “My whole life…”

“Matt, you still wish to serve?”

“Yes, of course.”

Nodding, she smiled at him, setting her clip board aside. “I will be signing your paperwork. There will be an attached recommendation to easing you back into work, especially with the current focus, but they usually don’t read that, only which boxes I checked.”

His eyes went wide as he stared at her. “Are you…?”

“I wouldn’t joke about this Matt, when you start and how will be up to the department, but I’m filing you as fit for duty.” She reached forward and took his hand.

“Thank you.”

As Matt left, feeling like it was a little easier to breath than when he’d walked in, he knew he’d have to wait until he talked to Coran before he told Shiro and Lance the good news. And his family, if there was one thing the Holts couldn’t do it was keep a secret—though they all thought they could. He needed to be able to put the blame on Coran when he told the two of them that he couldn’t give them any information about Keith’s case—not that he wouldn’t look more into it even if he was kept away from it.

Lance would understand, like he understood that they already weren’t telling him things.

Shiro and him would definitely have a fight about it. Matt couldn’t even be that mad as he acted out the fight in his head, if things were reversed, he’d be just as angry as Shiro was going to be.

When he got to Shiro and Lance’s apartment, Hunk and Pidge were there. The four of them were practicing sign language. He stood by the door and watched, all four smiled at him, but continued as if he wasn’t there. Lance had been practicing a lot, watching tons of videos and getting help from Pidge and Hunk’s professor through video calls.

Shiro was where his interest was; his prosthetic arm was truly a marvel. Whatever else Haggar was, she was fucking genius. A few medical engineers had been by to get a look at it, but they couldn’t make anything of it. There wasn’t a way to remove it without ripping or cutting off him, which would only cause more damage. Opening it up didn’t do much, the few who had tried to poke around the innerworkings had caused Shiro a lot of pain since it was still attached. One even knocked him out for two days very recently. No one else was going to touch that arm while it was still attached to Shiro, and Matt was going to make sure of it if he had to shoot someone.

Watching the hand respond with no perceivable delay as Shiro mimicked Pidge’s movements, his fingers flexing with a dexterity almost on par with his natural hand. It really was amazing to watch.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Matt asked as he slipped onto the arm of the couch once the lesson seemed to be over.

Lance made a few movements with his hands, mouthing words he couldn’t actually say. Whatever the words, they hadn’t been included in his private lessons with his sister yet. He looked at Shiro for clarification.

“Pizza and garlic knots.”

“Should’ve known. You’re going to turn into a garlic knot.” Matt rolled his eyes as he grinned at Lance.

The sign Lance gave him with a grin of his own was one Matt knew well.

“So, Sarah says your mom finally found a therapist she scheduled a second appointment with, fluent in Spanish was apparently the thing that had been missing.” Pidge said as they ate, smiling up at Lance.

He’d been seeing Sarah since the first time Pidge and Hunk sprung her on him, but not as much as his best friends. When Sarah explained the depression their mother went into when Lance was taken, and then worsened when their father was taken, and that she was showing signs of going back with Lance back but refusing to see her, Lance didn’t take it well. He made it clear he couldn’t see her like that, it would only make his own recovery so much harder; his mother needed to get help to if she wanted to see him.

He smiled up at her, a crooked half smile. He signed ‘thank you’.

“She seemed really hopeful, and now she’s trying talk her mom into getting Melanie and Allison to see one too.”

“I hope she can stick with it, that it helps her.” Lance typed out, not having quite the signing vocabulary yet. “I miss her a lot.”

“You know, when you’re ready to see her again, you don’t have to do it alone.” Shiro put a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

Lance just nodded in response.

“Who do you think you’ll be ready to see first, your mom or Melanie and Allison? Because they were not for sign language lessons when I went over the other day.” Hunk huffed with a fond smile. “They kept climbing on me, asking about you. Melanie was asking how you were and Allison was asking where you were.”

Lance looked at his best friend, his eyes narrowed as he thought on the question.

“No pressure, you need to take your time.” Hunk put his hands up in surrender. “But, you do look so much better dude. Color is back on your face and you’re not quite so skinny.”

“Shiro and I have been working out.”

“It shows.” Pidge chuckled, getting an eye roll for her trouble.

“I think I’ll be ready to be with my whole family soon.” Lance closed his eyes, wiping a tear on his cheek as he held out his phone for his friends to read. “Melanie and Allison won’t understand more than that I’ve been hurt for a long time. Mama and I have a lot to talk about, but I just want to see her face, feel her arms around me.”

“Whenever you’re ready, we’re here however you need us. With you, after, if you need space.” Shiro was holding his shoulder again. “You’re not alone in any of this.”

Matt, Pidge, and Hunk made a chorus of agreements.

Letting out a silence laugh, Lance signed ‘thank you’ again as more tears streamed down his cheeks. Happier tears than most of the ones he’d been sheading lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Counting the chapters until Keith makes another appearance on this side of the story.


	13. Stepping Stones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everytime that I post a chapter, I curse my initial decision to use chapter titles. I feel like this could be the title for every chapter in this installment so far and for the next several chapters.
> 
> Also, I'm not dead.

Matt had been on a few traffic patrols since he’d been reinstated on duty, and one lame drug bust. He wasn’t expecting to get approached by Coran and the low level FBI agent they’d sent to assist with the Galra situation.

“Your Chief says that you have insider knowledge of the Galra.” The agent said as he stopped at Matt’s desk. He’d been on mostly desk duty.

“Yeah? I was forced to join the gang, to not get killed.” Matt sighed as he looked up from the paperwork he’d been sorting. “Everything I know is documented. You have the files.”

“We have a lead. Their elites have been giving some other elites of security services and other gangs a hurt lately, and we’ve gotten a tip on their next target.”

“Their elites? You mean the Blades?” Matt glanced at Coran, who nodded in response. “What exactly do you think I can do?”

“I want you on the team that’s going to bring them in.”

Matt couldn’t help but laugh as he stood up. “You think you’re going to bring in the Blades? I don’t think we could bring in one, much less a team.” He glanced at Coran. “Please tell me you didn’t approve this.”

“He took it out of my hands Matt.”

“You can count me out. The Galra took me away from my family for long enough, I don’t need to you to deliver me up for them to do it permanently.” Matt pushed past him. “You’re going to get a lot of people killed.”

As he walked away, he saw Shiro coming in for his update. He ignored the agent as he walked over to Shiro, sighing as he got ready to tell him that there were no leads specifically for Keith.

Shiro was clearly getting frustrated with getting no answers, but there weren’t any, and even if there were, Matt thought he’d be kept away from the case, so he wasn’t expecting to get any. Coran made it seem like he was going to keep Matt off the Galra case.

“Matt, come to my office.” Coran approached him once Shiro had stormed out. Once they were in the room, Coran motioned towards the door as he sat against his desk. “Lock it.”

Matt gave Coran a confused look. “What’s up?”

“It’s… Keith. There’s not enough solid evidence, but… he’s killed a lot of people since you and Shiro got out, got Lance and Allura out. There’s at least one cop on that list.” Coran crossed his arms, not quiet looking at Matt. “And he’s been on a few of the ‘rough up squads’. He might be on the next one.”

“It might be the best chance to bring him home.” Matt groaned as he slumped into one of the chairs.

“I wouldn’t have green lit Agent Smalls’ crazy plan, but if it’s happening… Keith is in deep enough that he’d probably just kill any other officer, but you. He spared Shiro when he was here to kill Lotor.”

“Alright. I’ll tell Agent Whatshisnuts that I’ll go.”

*-*-*-*-*-*

Lance was pacing the living room, waiting. Eventually, there was a light knock on the door. He glanced out the peephole, smiling when he saw Allura nervously standing outside. He was quick to open the door and let her in, locking the door behind her.

Neither said anything as they both went in for a hug, holding each other tightly for a long time before they eventually moved to the couch.

They discussed their therapy and readjustment mostly, nothing too in depth. As they sat there, Lance realized how little he actually knew about Allura, and how much she had apparently known about Keith. He didn’t want to dig too much, and disrupt her progress, but he wanted to know, because he cared about her. And he needed to know about Keith. Lance was going to wait, but he was going to ask some of his questions.

In the meantime, Allura mentioned that her therapist mentioned something about ‘small self care’ things, but she’d been so out of touch with the world that she didn’t really know where to start.

Sarah and Pidge had gotten him a whole hoard of his favorite products: face masks, skin cream, bath bombs. He hadn’t been up to using most of it yet, but doing it with Allura seemed like a good place to start, and a good way to get closer to her.

If they had met under severely different circumstances, he would’ve been so into her and made a fool out of himself trying to get her go out with him. He cringed internally at the mental image. He really could be such a douche sometimes.

They were laughing, honest to God laughing, while they were doing face masks and drinking random drink concoctions—nonalcoholic of course. Maybe someday they’d both be in a place where they could have a few drinks together.

“So, it occurs to me that we don’t actually know much about each other.” Allura said, facing the mirror as she scrubbed her face post-face mask. She wasn’t quite looking at him, focusing on the mirror instead.

Lance moved stand next to the mirror, leaning his head against the wall, giving her a noncommittal shrug.

“I mean, we talked some, but we never really got to really talk.” She turned to him, sitting the washcloth on the counter.

“You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to.” Lance gave her a smile. “But I do want to know about you.”

“Lance, I trust you, and… we’re friends right? I know I was so mean to Sp- Keith, but I was just…” Allura held her head. “Sorry, about that, by the way. I know it’s him I owe the apology too, but I know that everyone hating him and hurting him really hurt you too…”

“You were messed up, and… it’s okay, as long as you’re not like that when we get him back.”

Allura grimaced for a split second, and Lance was sure that she hoped he wouldn’t notice as she smiled at him, a smile that definitely didn’t look genuine. “Of course, I’m going to try to get along with him. We… I think we may have made some progress just before…”

He turned away slightly, nodding slowly. “Thank you.”

The two of them stood in uncomfortable quiet for a few moments before Allura finished washing her face. When she finished she let out a little huff of laughter. “You know, I was so fucked up in the Den that I’m not even sure what I told you about myself. I remember everything you told me about yourself, about your family and friends, and… but…”

“We don’t have to talk today. We have the rest of our lives.”

“You’re right. We really do.” She turned to smile at him. “We have our whole lives.”

They both jumped at the sound of the door opening, but seemed to calm when Shiro called out for Lance.

“Man, I didn’t realize it was getting that late.”

“You think Shiro would take me home if I asked?”

“Definitely.”

Shiro easily agreed to take Allura home when they asked. They hadn’t really talked since the hospital, the drive would give them a chance to catch up on somethings.

Once she was gone, he sat on the couch and held his face. There would be other chances. So many other chances, to learn about Allura. To learn about Keith.


	14. One Bullet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! We're so close to getting Keef home! Everyone just needs their Keef!

Matt stared into space. He had a weird feeling in his gut as the medics checked him over. There was something about the way he lied that he couldn’t quite shake. It was so easy. And it wasn’t the first time he had skirted around the truth to protect Keith. He lied to the FBI agent about the day Lotor died in their station, he just lied about Keith not being there now.

As the medics checked him over, he remembered every time he was told that being a Galra was forever, there was no way out, even in death. For members and for property. Even if there was a way for Keith to come back, he wouldn’t be able to leave.

How many more times would he lie to protect Keith? Keith was like his baby brother. But he was also a Blade, a high ranking member of the Galra, and Matt was just a lackey. Wouldn’t it be his job to protect him.

His gaze went over to the FBI agent in charge of everything now. He’d specifically asked about Keith, about ‘Spitfire’. In his eyes Keith was a criminal, but Keith was a victim. If it was up to that guy, Keith would spend the rest of his life behind bars, but he’d already spent so much imprisoned.

But Matt won’t let that happen. Coran won’t let that happen. Coran, his boss who had been a dirty cop the entire time.

Matt was a dirty cop.

“Fucking shit.” He said quietly. For Keith, for his own sister, it was worth it though.

And he had to explain all this to Shiro. He shot his boyfriend’s little brother.

Before he could figure out exactly he was going to explain to Shiro that he left his brother go back to the Galra, he heard his voice. He was running up, probably gotten a message from someone else that Matt had gotten hurt.

Matt looked up to try to find Shiro in the small crowd of paramedics and feds. A few of the feds were trying to stop him, but Coran had made his way over. Panic was filling him, because he hadn’t even told Shiro the details of this mission or that it was today. He was really banking on having more time to think about this.

Shiro was running towards him. “Matt! Matt!”

Pushing aside the paramedics who really should’ve been tending to literally anyone else by now, he stood up.

Shiro grabbed and held his face. “Fuck. I’m so glad you’re okay. When they told me what you were doing at the station, and then that things went south… I-I…”

“Takashi. I’m fine. A little bruised, a few knicks, I’m okay.” Matt put his hands lightly on Shiro’s wrists as he smiled.

“I know, I know, but… I had to see for myself.” Shiro rested his forehead against Matt’s, letting out a relieved sigh.

“Holt!” The FBI agent yelled as he walked over again, Coran trailing behind him. “You fired one round?”

“Yeah. I was holding back because I just returned to active duty, and the fight was almost over by the time I made it into the fray.” Matt sighed, pulling Shiro’s hands off his face and moving out of his space. “I got the last one at least down. I didn’t check to see if I killed them, I was more worried about how many of ours were still alive.”

“None of those bastards got away?”

“Not that I know of. If they did, they slipped out during the fight before I made it, but I had good visual on the exits on my way.”

Grunting, the agent nodded, turning to leave. Matt focused on Coran who twirled his mustache like he knew the lie he was telling, but he was on their side as far as protecting Keith so he wasn’t going to call him out in front of this smug agent.

Once they were out of earshot, the paramedic were finally moving on. Matt grabbed on of Shiro’s wrists and pulled him away from the scene.

“There’s something you should know.” Matt said it very quietly, glancing at the crowd who was paying them no mind.

Shiro furrowed his eyebrows. “Is it…”

“One of the Blades made it out… and the one shot…”

“You shot-!” Shiro practically screamed, but Matt quickly covered his mouth.

“Shut up, shut up!” Matt glared at him. “Let’s get out of here and then you can yell at me.”

“You-… you let him… he-…” Shiro practically growled as he pushed Matt hard enough to almost knock him on his ass. Without saying anything else, he started storming back to where his car was parked outside the scene.

Matt attempted to keep up, but the stress of the day had wore on his body and he couldn’t. It took a little convincing to get a car from one of his colleagues, so Shiro had quite the head start on him.

When Matt made it to Shiro’s apartment, the man was screaming unintelligibly, throwing things around his living room. There were a few holes in the dry wall. As Matt stepped in, one of the fists almost collided with his head.

“Shiro stop!” Matt said as he blocked a second attempted blow.

“Fuck you! Get out of my apartment! You let him get away! You could’ve-…”

“Where’s Lance?” Matt glared at Shiro as ducked past him.

“If you had just-…”

Matt kept his focus on dodging Shiro, but was ignoring him now. He was too enraged to care. When Matt made it carefully to Lance’s door, he was surprised to find it unlocked. But when he opened it, he saw Lance cowering in the corner, holding his shark and Keith’s hippo tightly to himself.

Turning to Shiro, Matt felt rage himself. “You’re-…”

Shiro’s fist collided with his jaw before he could say much more. “Bastard.”

Matt recoiled at the force of the blow. “Shiro. Look what you’re doing to Lance.”

Shiro froze, his eyes looking past Matt to the boy he’d been sharing his home with for the past few weeks, who he loved as a brother. “Oh god…”

Wiping the blood trickling down his chin, Matt turned into the room. “Let’s you get out of here until Shiro calms down and he and I can talk about what he’s mad about.”

Lance glanced up at him, staring at him with horror in his eyes.

“It’s okay.” Matt practically picked up the younger man.

Once he got him out to the car, he took a few deep breaths. When Shiro wasn’t so mad, he owed Matt an apology for being so dismissive about his own mental health and its affect on Lance. “So, do you want to come stay with us, or…”

Lance blinked a few times before patting his pants. He pulled out his phone. “I want to go home.”

Matt nodded, pulling away. “This will be the first time actually see your mom right? You’ve been testing, but…”

Nodding, Lance pulled his legs up to his chest, holding the two plush animals closer to his chest. He was still crying.

**Author's Note:**

> I have social medias. Find them somewhere, or ask I guess.


End file.
